Mess in California: Trans parent gets physical custody
It seems rulebreaking pays: Mikale Bendian gets rewarded with physical custody.
The transgender male who flagrantly violated a court order has been rewarded more than a year later.
It’s been a long time since I caught up with my good friend Kara Mikale Bendian.
When I say good friend, I mean that Mikale sends me lovely notes like this one, “Stop emailing me.”
My heart is warm.
Another time, my good friend- who may have a crush on me, emailed this lovely note.
ms volpe,
I have asked you not email me. I am asking again that you do not email me or my family. AGAIN.
im so confused, arent you against reunification therapy? you are a walking contradiction as your friend is the one who requested it from the courts yet i get the lovely harassing emails and articles? great investigative work.
you don’t care about facts, you care about spewing bile and transphobia and also obsession over other peoples children which is a little creepy.
again, leave my family alone.
Mikale and I really tight, as you can tell. Mikale is a woman pretending to be a man, so Mikale doesn’t really have a family: besides the one a court manufactures for him.
He’s been locked in a longstanding custody battle with his ex-girlfriend Kristin Haynes. Mikale is not actually the father {since he’s not really a man} of their daughter- called Child O on the order of the esteemed Judge Roger Chan- but he was put on the birth certificate as the father.
As such, he has full rights.
In 2022, Kristin and Mikale held a multi-day custody trial and Kristin was awarded physical custody- given custody of Child O 75% of the time.
That wasn’t good enough for Mikale, so he flagrantly violated the order and refused to bring her back. He said the following.
Since {their daughter} was 7 years old, Kristin has been the alienating parent and now that {their daughter} is older, she is no longer letting the alienation affect her like when she was a young child and is not easily manipulated. {Their daughter} is estranged from Kristin due to Kristin involving {their daughter} for six years in severe parental alienation.” Bendian said in an affidavit dated June 2, 2022
The way it’s supposed to work is if you violate a court order, you get punished. For instance, in 2019, I included Lori Thaner’s story in a Daily Caller piece. Thaner’s ex was abusive, and the kids routinely refused to go back to him. So, the judge, Elizabeth Bozzuto, told cops to tell the children that they either go back or their mom goes to jail.
Another time her kids ran away and refused to return, Bozzuto had Thaner incarcerated until the kids returned to their father.
Thaner said she served fifty-eight days in prison for custodial interference in 2017.
Ironically, one of the Thaner children is also now transitioning. Here is what a contact recently sent me. “Lori Thaner’s kid is getting bit parts off by Yale. Father is dead and she couldn’t get him back.”
{Please contribute to the Connecticut fundraiser to bring the Thaner and other stories to life}
The Honorable Judge Bozzuto could issue this threat because a court order is not a suggesting, it’s not a request, and it’s not a recommendation. It is- like the English word implies- an order.
What the court should have done is ordered Mikale to bring the child back, like the order required but instead, the court allowed Mikale to flaunt its orders. Here is more from Judge Chan.
I’m sure some are reading that and thinking this is indecipherable legal mumbo jumbo, so let me translate. The court should have told Mikale to follow the court order or else, but instead, the court entertained Mikale’s lunacy and changed the custody terms based on Mikale’s flagrant violation of the order.
Since Mikale had Child O- and refused to give her back- the court let him keep her, while ordering a reunification therapist: Amy Goldman.
I don’t like reunification therapy- as Mikale said in his lovely email to me- and this therapy is going swimmingly. Here is part of Mikale’s testimony from the most recent hearing in March 2023.
I’m just a layman, but I was under the impression that therapy was supposed to be therapeutic, but the child throwing things and being threatened with more therapy might work also.
Initially, the court just let Mikale keep Child O until September 2022, when a court order granted Kristin vacation custody time.
Judge Chan has a huge heart. After keeping her away from her daughter for about six months, he allowed- through a court order to actually be followed- to let her spend Thanksgiving with her. What a swell guy.
This minimal time was way too much for Mikale; he claims that Child O hates her mom.
He wants all therapy to stop and all custody time for Kristin to stop with it.
That is rather interesting. Kristin raised Child O for the first thirteen years of her life, and she never ran away, never called her mom abusive, and never threw anything at her. Now, one year with Mikale and she hates her mom.
I know what this is: PARENTAL ALIENATION. Wait, I hate that term.
Wait, isn’t that what Mikale accused Kristin of? That was so last year: now, he claims that Kristin was sexually inappropriate and a drunk around Child O. He even had her testify.
To be fair, Child O also hates her mom because she tried to alienate her from her dad.
If even one tenth of this is true, Kristn can’t be anywhere near her daughter. Then again, if even one tenth of this is true, how come none of it came out until Mikale had complete control over her?
Kristin knows why this happened: Mikale is alienating her. Parental alienation is so sound- and when I say sound I mean total quackery- that both parents accuse the other of alienation. She brought on an expert- and when I say expert I mean quack- Lyn Steinberg.
Steinberg believes that Child O is only saying these things because Mikale is alienating her.
Dr. Steinberg has a solution: ninety days no contact for Mikale.
If that sounds familiar, it’s the standard that Randy Rand- of David Segui notoriety- set for all parental alienation case intervention.
There’s the four day intensive therapy, followed by a minimum of ninety days of no contact. All under the watchful supervision of Rand, Steinberg and others: all of them charge tens of thousands of dollars.
So, in this hearing in March, we had both parents asking for sole custody: both accusing the other of emotional and other forms of abuse.
Only one is telling the truth. Only one should be able to see Child O. Silly me, Judge Roger Chan doesn’t see it that way so he simply ordered that the status quo remain. Mikale gets physical custody; Kristin gets visitation and the dynamics of the last year continue.
Why not: Child O throws things, hates her mom, and the parents have been in court non stop. What could go wrong?
Judge Roger Chan made another finding.
This is an extremely important portion of Judge Chan’s ruling. The court has determined that what Mikale and Child O are saying is nonsense. Kristin is fit, does not abuse, and is not inappropriate around her daughter. Normally, when a parent makes such an accusation- even in good faith- and it’s not substantiated, that parent is screwed. They have brought forward unsubstantiated allegations.
Not Mikale: he can make all the allegations he wants, coach his daughter to make all the nonsensical allegations she wants, and he won’t be held accountable. He’ll get physical custody. What could go wrong?
Postscript
Find the previous articles in this series: Article 1, Article 2, Article 3., Article 4, Article 5, Article 6, Article 7, Article 8, Article 9, and Article 10.
For more articles like this on corruption in California family courts check out the fundraiser.
Judge Chan is actually known to be one of the fairest Judges in my court the San Francisco Superior Court, while no Judge is perfect, it makes you wonder sometimes that Judges are almost all bias, and prejudicial but to what degree?
I would think the judge probably wants them both to cut the blame throwing and just get over it. The thing is, judges don't care that sometimes their actions only make things worse. They can not be wrong. Even getting a judge to admit prejudice and relieve themselves is often impossible. So why do we let this tiny group of people dictate all our actions? Purely threat of false or unjust imprisonment.